problems

song of the day
like yesterday by ryan adams and the cardinals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooEv-b8MQYM
i take a sleeping pill and feel a little less pain

do you ever get that feeling where you want to punch somebody something maybe yourself maybe all of these along with some other things? maybe i am too lazy and dont care enough to do any of these things at the moment. or maybe i care too much which could be a problem as well. lots of problems not too many answers just a lot of bull shit and other things. sometimes i feel bi polar probably am but who knows what that really means anyways so abstract. sometimes i feel emo probably am but maybe not im not like that nor do i aspire to be like that. i am tired of where i am i am tired of what has happened to me but i am awake still and still here so who knows. anyways lots to talk about cant find the words to express it. maybe thats the problem or just one or two or seven of the problems or five or six depending on what hand you use to count and how many times you carry over the remainder. math when am i ever going to use that and for what, yeah i can count but sesame street taught me that yeah they say that math teaches you how to think but i dont really think i like that but sometimes i dont know what to think why to think it and how long to think it for or how many steps to take in one day. sometimes peoples pedometers break maybe mine is broken and im not really going anywhere or none of this counts for anything or maybe it counts but no one knows how many it is cause the damn pedometer is broken hate when that happens. there is a lot of things that most people dont understand but they act like they understand them because they are insecure or need to act and look smart in order to impress people. but who are people anyways and why do they need to be impressed and why do they even matter thats another problem. along with problems are questions problems create questions and questions lead to more problems. but maybe there arent any problems and they are all made up like a story or a movie or something. someone told me once that if at first you dont succeed then go home you loser. why cause you lost and probably dont want to deal with that losing feeling ever again cause it is not a good feeling but you still feel it and dont really know how to deal with it and of course thats another problem. look my life is fine or so i tell myself and i have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to. i grew up with pretty much everything i wanted and was successful for the most part did not get told no much and did not lose often. i think everyone probably has to lose but why do some people have to lose a lot not saying that i lose a lot just lately the past years things have been a train wreck. speaking of train wrecks i wonder if those people are liable for crashing the train in the first place. i am supposed to know these things right cause im a law student. i dont feel like my first year of law school has prepared me to practice law i feel like it has taught me that there is a lot out there that i have no idea about and when i think i have an idea about something another thing comes along and screws everything you thought you knew up. but then again not sure if i ever thought i knew anything or if anyone should think that they know anything. this doesnt make sense but most things dont make sense if you break it down. the world is confusion and chaos and we are supposed to make sense of it i guess. anyways i am sick of a lot of things but i feel healthy and have almost made it through the first year of law school and for what im not sure but one day will find out. i want to be a lawyer but what kind and where and what if i dont make it through school or start working and dont like then i guess ill find something else to do but then ill feel that losing feeling yeah that one that no one likes and only a few people know how to deal with i think maybe they are lying when they say they know how to deal with it but who knows. i use the word but a lot maybe cause i feel like everything needs to be disclaimed or something because nothing is really that straight forward but maybe it is that straight forward and i use the word but too much which is true maybe there is a point.

that was a rant not sure if i feel better but dont feel worse so thats a positive.